Meghan's 18th Birthday and yet another huge bitter sweet event.
Today is the day that was planned 3 years ago. You would be taking her for her first tattoo. Who could have imagined the plans would all change to a memorial tattoo.
I felt at such a lose as to how to make this happen.
Meghan decided this picture is what she wanted. Taking the truck out.
I knew that DJ was suppose to be the artist but trying to coordinate the trip seemed to be unsuccessful. I did stay in contact with DJ for guidance and he really did try to guide me but this just wasn't something I was suppose to be helping her make decisions on.Jenny and Meg went to see Matt and I appreciate his honesty in not feeling comfortable in doing the portrait. He suggested a guy named Christian at Dermagraphics and after looking at his work I felt he could accomplish what we wanted but to be honest I was so scared. I was agreeing for someone to tattoo our little girl that you had never met or even mentioned. What if I agreed and I was making the wrong decision. I knew Chris and I knew you trusted him. In fact this is where you took me for my tattoo (we won't go there, lol) but I was still scared.
You know me, I had to be mama and I emailed Christian with my concerns and what this meant to all of us. He emailed me back and offered some reassurance but I just didn't have the peace I needed. I know you heard me fussing about this being left for me to do and this just was not an area that I am versed in. I guess I was expecting you to send me direction and approval.
We went to meet Christian, and guess what, he was in the room where you took me.
I asked him how many emails he had gotten from mama's in the past. He laughed and said not many, lol.
He was so patient and calm with all of our questions and concerns. I feel that he went the extra mile to make this a special experience for Meghan in spite of the circumstances.
Because it was so important that Meghan got the tattoo on her birthday, he offered to come in on his day off. I truly think he could feel the pain in our hearts this was causing and his compassion was remarkable.
I began to feel a slight ease and could hear you saying, Relax Mama, It Will All Be Good.
When we got there, Meghan's adrenaline was pumping. She had fear mixed with excitement and sadness. As much as she had been told that where she wanted the tattoo was going to be so hard on her, she was determined that she was going to, Man Up, and make you proud. Proud that his little sister could do what many can't do.
Christian shared some laughs with Meg before they started. This was her first signature as a legal adult.
Placement was very important. We wanted your picture closer to her back to signify the fact that you always had her back. but because Meghan is so petite there wasn't alot of room to work with.
On with the IPOD and the tattoo begins....
As I sat there holding Meghan's hand, she was squeezing my hand hard as she was getting use to the needle. She would look at me and I could see the sadness in her eyes. It was not from pain, it was because you were not there. It was then I placed your heart urn in her hand and told her you were there with her and to squeeze the heart and she would be squeezing your hand. After that she calmed down and relaxed.
On with the IPOD and the tattoo begins.... As I sat there holding Meghan's hand, she was squeezing my hand hard as she was getting use to the needle. She would look at me and I could see the sadness in her eyes. It was not from pain, it was because you were not there. It was then I placed your heart urn in her hand and told her you were there with her and to squeeze the heart and she would be squeezing your hand. After that she calmed down and relaxed.
In fact, at one point she snoozed off. I was told that you use to snooze off while getting a tattoo.
Halfway through....I really do think that Christian thought that would be all she could take at one time. Not Meghan...she was determined to finish it today.
Thank goodness Christian was so patient that he allowed Miss Text Queen to answer a few messages.
The finished tattoo. It is so hard to get a good picture because of the placement, half on back and around the side to front.
I really do think you would be pleased. I hope I made you proud. I know Meghan did.
P.S. I love you......
I am going to gather pictures of others who have gotten tattoos in your memory and make a slide show.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, August 12, 2008
and is filed under
bereavement,
grief,
Grieving,
Heartbreak,
Justin,
Justin and Meghan,
Justin Carter
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