Lately I have been holding on to the saying, "I'm not crazy, I'm just grieving" but since all this is so new to me, I really wonder if this is true. I feel as though my brian is just not functioning. I feel as though I am aware of what people are saying to me at the time but within minutes I don't remember what I was told.
Poor Meghan, she not only is dealing with her own grief but having to accept that her mother is just not the same. Bless her heart, she tells me something and within minutes I am asking her the same question again. It is just like I am unable to retain anything.

I think I had a relapse when I started working on my acknowledgement cards. I avoided it for as long as I could, I finally designed the picture and then stopped, my cousin, Estie came to visit to help me get some things done and as far as I could get was to pick the cards out, that was it. My Jenny printed them for me and she helped assemble them but that was it, I had to stop.
When I finally pushed myself to start I could tell I was going backwards.. writing these cards forced me to accept the reality that this horrible thing had happened, I began to hear those words that continue to ring in my head the words that changed my life forever, I'm sorry....but we were unable to save your son. I think that is what followed, after hearing I'm sorry, I felt as though my heart was ripped out.
After working on them a week, I had only gotten half way through. The others are still sitting on the table. Rick has encouraged me to just sign the rest but I want to express my gratitude to each person on a personal basis.
The scary part is when I see someone and they mention receiving the card and thanking me for the words I had written, I can't remember what I wrote.