Happy 30th Birthday Justin
I'm finding every holiday and event to be a heart breaking experience so I try to avoid as many as I can but I'm glad that Camden was adamant to have a party for you because I knew there was no way I could just hide away. I also decided I needed to to find a day that I could be happy and I decided that day will be the day my children and grandson were born. It is because of these births, my life was changed and my dreams came true..I became a Mama and a Nana.
You always picked at me for writing a letter for Meghan's 16th birthday.. I promised you at your next big birthday I would write one for you....So today at your party this is the letter I read...
I saw a key chain a few months ago, that said, Live Life Like it Matters. With all that has gone in the last 2 years; when I read it, my first thought was, Yeah Right!!! Does it really matter?
All through the night I couldn’t get the saying out of my head. As I laid down and closed my eyes, I could hear the words whispered to me…it was then that it hit me. That was Justin and that is how he lived.
Justin loved life and he lived everyday like it mattered. Needless to say, I went back the next day to buy the key chain to remind me every day to Live like it Matters.
There has not been a day since Justin left that I have not been sad. Sometimes I can hide it, other days I can’t; but either way, it is always there.
After reflecting on what life meant to Justin, I made a decision. On this one day, the day of his birth, I will put the sadness aside and celebrate Justin’s life.
30 years ago today, God entrusted me with a very special gift, a precious baby boy. I had no way of knowing when I first looked into his eyes that this child would have such an impact on so many lives but I knew my life was forever changed.
Justin loved his family and his friends and when you were loved my Justin, you knew you were loved. He had a unique way of loving each person how they needed to be loved.
Justin loved all the women in his life and I was one of the fortunate to experience his unconditional love. Now I’m not going to paint an unrealistic picture that we never had our issues, because we did. We could fuss, argue and disagree like none other. The great thing was, we were secure enough in our love that nothing could change that. We would argue, he would leave and shortly thereafter I could always expect a call that went something like,
Woman, you make me so angry, but I love you and you know I can’t deal with you being upset with me…so don’t be mad..You hear me and by the way..You know I was right, don’t you?
Did I mention Justin never liked to be wrong? I’m sure everyone experienced that trait.
Right or wrong, my baby boy loved his mama.
No matter how much he loved the rest of us, we all had to take a step back when Cam Man came into our lives. Justin loved and adored Camden with a love few could understand and he vowed to be the best father he could be and to make a difference in his life. You could see the pride in his eyes when he looked at him or even spoke about him. Camden, I can assure you, your daddy loved you and continues to watch over you.
That is how Justin was, he loved BIG and he didn’t mind showing it. One time Nanny asked Camden what he missed most about his daddy and he said his hugs. He was so right, he had the best hugs.
So today we celebrate Justin’s brief but wonderful and meaningful life and what he meant to us because it was different for each of us.
Justin is not here as he was but he has not left us. He is here every day, still watching over us and loving us as he always did. I know this to be true…
I may not have seen him in my dreams like some have but..
I have been on my porch and had my wind chimes begin to chime when there was no wind.
I have had feathers float down on me from out of nowhere.
I have smelt the wonderful smell of unexplained baby powder.
I had a necklace laying on my nightstand made into a perfect heart and
I have awoke to find a piece of a cardboard box in my hand, giving me the push I needed to get out of my funk and get my packing done and to move on to the next phase of my life.
So he hasn’t left us. You just have to open your eyes, your senses and your heart and you will feel him close to you.
As the angels light his 30 candles and the choir begins to sing, Imagine Justin smiling as he looks to Jesus and says, how lucky was I to have family and friends that loved me so much.
Today we will celebrate…….
Happy Birthday Baby Boy..it was your entrance into this world that first made me a mother...How very blessed I am to be able to call you my son..Now go dance with Jesus...
